Sensitive Kid Behavior Series: Why does my child hide?

*Your child enters the doctors’ office for their annual check up and suddenly bolts from your side and hides under a nearby table.

*Your child frequently hides under a desk or table during school.

*Your child screams at you to “stop looking at me” and runs out of the room.

Have you been there?

 You want your child to “act normal” and follow through with what they are supposed to do, but they hide from you instead, and don’t respond to pleas to come out of hiding.  What do you do? 

 First, understand and empathize with the reason underlying the hiding behavior:

Kids hide when they are overwhelmed, overstimulated or triggered into intense emotions.  Though it can be frustrating for the adults, IT IS AN ATTEMPT TO REGULATE their sensitive nervous system.  If you try to get them to come out of hiding, i.e. to stop regulating themselves, you are risking an even bigger emotional reaction.

 Second, engage in the practice of coping skills while the child is hiding:

1.  Name and normalize what they are feeling by saying things such as “it is scary to come to the doctor’s office, I get it,” or “It makes sense to me that you’re hiding because all this noise and activity is overwhelming.” 

2.  Use rhythm, to help your child calm down.  I often will gently start tapping on the table the child is hiding under or on the door of the closet/room using a slow, soothing rhythm.  It’s NOT knocking, but rather a gentle, repetitive drumming that perhaps even goes with a song they like.  The key is to find an easy rhythm and stick with it for a minute or more:  even just a 1,2,3 pause then repeat rhythm is sufficient.  The reason rhythm is helpful in calming your child is that it directly engages the lower parts of the brain, which helps regulate an overstimulated nervous system quickly.

3.  Give them time and model coping skills out loud.  I will often say things such as “I’m going to take some deep breaths because that will help me stay calm, do you want to take some deep breaths with me?”  You could also try to engage them in singing a song, wiggling their toes and fingers, anything that you know works for your child. 

4.  Listen to them tell you what they need:  Sensitive kids may yell that you need to leave them alone or just “go away.”  If the above coping skills aren’t working, just stand nearby quietly and practice taking some deep breaths yourself.  Your child will eventually co-regulate with your calmer nervous system and be able to come out of their hiding place.

5.  If your child is sensitive to energy, hold the intention to amplify their grounding and protection.  You can just affirm this internally (i.e., state in your mind: “I am amplifying my child’s grounding and protection”), if you don’t already have an energy-based practice.  If you and your child do talk about energy techniques at times, you may try reminding them about their grounding and protection so that they may regain a feeling of safety.  *For more information on grounding, check out my blogs and meditations about grounding on page 2-3 of my resources.

 Honestly, kids running and hiding when they’re overloaded is not that much different from when adult HSP’s leave the busy activity of a party to hide in the bathroom!  Raise your hand if you’ve done that, I know I have! Just like us, our sensitive kids need some time and space to calm down, so that they can emerge and face the stressors at hand. 

 The Sensitive Kid Behavior Series answers parent questions about common behaviors observed in their little ones. If you have questions about your child’s behavior feel free to email me and I’ll answer them in future blogs!

Carolina is an active and proud member of the Sensitive Empowerment Community!  Learn more about this wonderful group through Julie Bjelland’s website at https://www.fatfreecartpro.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=342244&c=ib&aff=383793. There are numerous free and paid resources designed to support Highly Sensitive People on this site!